Ganesha

Pace has been a bit of an issue in our house lately. Going to work early, staying late, working at night... All the while packing our house to move into temporary storage. House hunting with a vengeance. Trying to maintain those relationships we hold so dear. Needless to say, there are no routines in our house and things are suffering a little, mostly self-care.

For me, self-care means yoga. I've been grumbling a lot lately because I can't get to yoga. Then I usually blame the grumbling on my decreased mental capacities because I am not going to yoga. Vicious cycle of self-pity and scape goating.

This morning my alarm was set 45 min early, so that I could get a jump on my day and get to work early. Instead of snoozing and grumbling, I popped up and had the revelation that I can do yoga at home!

Contrary to popular (read: my) belief yoga does not mean studio. Yoga means unity. It means uniting breath and movement. Making the inside and the outside match. All you really need to practice yoga is an open heart.

So, I jumped out of bed, ran downstairs, lit some candles, set out my mat and got to practicing. In the past, I've found home practice to be lack luster and a little lazy. But today, I worked hard and practiced mindfully. In all of the years I have been practicing, today was the first time that I practiced alone that was mentally meaningful and physically demanding.

In Hinduism, there is a deity named Ganesha. You've probably seen images of him. He has an elephant head and four arms. He is known as the remover of obstacles. I spent a lot of time thinking about him today. He kept popping up on my thoughts during practice. I feel like we removed some major obstacles in my head this morning. Jai Ganesha!

Fat

It's not a dirty word. It's a descriptor.

People use this word as a weapon.  Particularly women use it on other women.

It makes me sad because when I hear women use it violently, I hear them saying to themselves, "You hurt me" or "I'm scared of being unloved" or "I feel threatened."

I love my body.  It carries me throughout my life.  I put mostly good stuff into it.  I exercise with it.  It's fat.

Nothing bad precipitated this post. In fact, I just saw a movie starring Melissa McCarthy . It was funny. She was hysterical. And, there were no blatant fat jokes. Lots of jokes about her character's ridiculous behaviors, but no fat jokes. Yay!

Good thing we're going to McDonald's.

It's Monday night after Zumba. I skipped a couple weeks because of a nasty sinus infection. It's unseasonably warm for early March at about 58 degrees.

Usually after class, I walk with my friend back to her house. Sometimes she drives me home, but I typically take a cab. Given the nice night, I decide to walk to a bigger street and take the bus.

It's a 15 minute walk to the big street. It' s nice enough outside, but the novelty of walking wears off by the time I get to the bus stop and remember that I still have to wait for the bus to show up.

I pick a spot on the SE corner. There is a stoop I can hang out on that's out of the way, but still well lit. Most people walk under the big sign and don't see me on the adjacent stoop. As was the case with a mother and son pair.

As they approach, I hear basic conversation. Nothing stands out. As they pass me, I see that he's a little boy about 8 years old and he's holding his mom's hand. Just as they stop at the corner he says, "Good thing we're going to McDonald's, I gotta take a shit."

I laughed out loud, at which point they discovered me. Mom's eyes bugged out of her head. And the little boy clapped a hand over his potty mouth. They both looked at me like I was going to send them to the principal's office.

After a really awkward second, I can see mom realizing that we are not in school and she is not in trouble. She maintains eye contact with me, but speaks to the boy, "C'mon. You been in this city too long,"

Pathetic Haikus for Yous

Sometimes feel fail-y

Other times feel more fail-y-er

Today is the worst

Work is killing me

I'm letting it take over life

That has to end now

I know you called me

I prolly won't call you back soon

I still love you though

Longest break this week

Spent writing bad poems at lunch

Feeling pathetic right now

But on the upside

the antibiotics help

left nostril working